So a few years ago while working at EMC, I had the privilege of being able to attend a mentor’s retirement party. It was an incredible honor for me, as this was a man that was an early and consistent supporter of mine as I built up my career at EMC.
I only directly worked for him for about 3 months, and much of the time I was not even a direct report into his organization. However, I somehow managed to enlist him as a key mentor while we were both working at EMC.
So fast forward about 8 years into my career at EMC, and now I’m told that I am one of about 30 people invited to his retirement party. I thought it was going to be a very big party, and that I was a cast of thousands being invited.
That changed when I showed up to dinner at this restaurant where we had rented out the room.
What I witnessed that night has stayed very prominent in my mind ever since. There were people that had worked alongside this man for over 20 years in the room down to a couple of years. His boss was in the room. All of his direct reports were in the room. A few folks that had recently left were also in the room. His family was also in attendance.
Let’s stop here for a second.
He had his entire and immediate family at this dinner, and they got to witness what I got to see too. I also got to see how loving his entire family was with him and with each other.
This man told me more than once that family was first for him, and that he made it a point to be home every night for dinner.
This man told me more than once that travel was something he would do only as he had to, and he would do it in relation to his familial commitments.
This man told me more than once that he was putting in very long hours just like the rest of us, however he clearly had boundaries that kept his family a priority throughout all manner of operational incidents and outages.
He had been telling me for years, and I did believe him when he shared these guiding principles. However, I somewhat doubted his ability to balance it all, and to continue to progress as a senior executive.
What I saw that night left me changed.
Here’s where I was at the time:
First of all, I was late to the event. Many times I was running late, because I was not properly managing my days. I was oversubscribed. I was busy.
I was also very sweaty as I remember it, and largely distracted as I entered the restaurant. I actually had another conference call to handle after the meeting, and a number of emails to pound out from my full day of meetings up in the Boston area.
I was on yet another business trip that was multi city in nature and multi day in duration. I had not seen or even talked with my kids for over a day, and I had another full day the following day.
I was stressed, and I was over tired. I knew I was going to be up late that night, and in many ways – just wanted to get in and get out of there.
I was largely reluctant to be social that night. There were a number of people that I had not seen in quite awhile. I really felt guilty for losing touch with so many of the folks there at that dinner, and just being there would likely force me to make up some buillshit reason why I was not in touch so much anymore. I told myself and them many times, that I was too busy.
Then I was greeted by my boss. He told me to get a beer and to chill out – he could tell I was stressed.
Then I was greeted by the man of the hour, and he totally disarmed me by welcoming me warm ‘I am so happy you could make this Mark.’ Followed up immediately with an introduction to his family. I was not expecting this!!!
So now I find myself at a table with a bunch of folks I had not seen in awhile, and the conversation was fast, furious, and fun. Tons of laughs at eachothers’ expense, and lots of great stories about our careers with the man that was retiring that night.
Fast forward to the portion of the evening when speeches were being given. This is when the magic really began to happen. First the boss of the guest of honor spoke, and he likely had the shortest tenure of anyone in the room with The Man.
Then the guest of honor got up and said a few very encouraging words to those of us that were still working at EMC. He told a few old school stories from the early days when the company was being built exponentially by amazing leaders. He closed with a heartfelt thank you to his wife and kids. A pure class act.
Then one by one, many of his direct reports and others from the organization got up to speak to him.
Invariably, everyone to a person talked about the man’s integrity and leadership style.
They talked about how he did things the right way, particularly when he could have played dirty as some of his colleagues did from time to time. Examples were given, and names were left out – to be polite.
They talked about his earnestness in helping them whenever they brought an issue forward for his consideration. Personal issues and professional issues were recounted and how this man was able to help them navigate through their lives.
Then my boss got up towards the end, and he nearly broke down talking about how much he had been helped by The Man particularly in the past 2 years. I had never seen such an honest moment between two high powered executives – laid bare for all to see.
Looking back, I now realize how special this night was. How special it was to have had such strong leadership supporting me during some very hard working hours for months on end as we delivered the impossible. I now recognize that both guys, and in particular the guest of honor, were living what they had been counseling me on.
The Man’s family got to witness this incredible feedback from – what were likely to many of them – complete strangers. And it was all very impromptu…
Integrity.
Earnestness.
Wise and helpful.
Consistent.
Strong leader.
Caring.
Wow. Totally unrehearsed.
Talk about having a personal brand established…then to see his family increasingly emotional as so many regaled their father and husband – this was another thing that hit me.
Legacy.
His legacy was not about the corporate world, although I can tell you it still looms large. Many of you on my Facebook and LinkedIn will know who I’m talking of, hell a few of you were in the room that night too.
His legacy was about how he conducted himself.
It was painfully (I was the one with the pain at the time…) obvious that his legacy was already established by his own conduct. His corporate world, and his family both were tremendous examples and reflections of doing this thing we call ‘life’ – the right way.