In the past two months, I have found myself in two different conversations discussing this notion of anxiety and panic attacks – in both cases these were grown men.
I have seen a number of people on Facebook express concerns with their anxiety.
I have personally experienced anxiety-related attacks in my not too distant past, where I could go for weeks suffering through a handful of hours of tortured sleep per night.
Thankfully, I’ve been able to overcome the anxiety issues that riddled my past.
Unfortunately, there are many in my life that suffer from anxiety.
About two months ago, I was pointed towards an incredibly strong YouTube video of a Ted Talk delivered by a guy I had never of before – Dr. Steven Hayes.
This post is about this talk he delivered, and some of the main takeaways for those that are suffering from anxiety right now.
First off – here’s the link to the talk itself:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o79_gmO5ppg
The talk is about Psychological Flexibility and how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help unlock anxiety. He briefly touches upon how this notion of Psychological Flexibility can be used and how it can predict a variety of things:
- A variety mental health problems, severity, and how chronic it will be
- What kind of parent are you going to be?
- What kind of worker are you going to be?
Later in the video, Dr Hayes outlines the primary elements of Psychological Flexibility:
- Emotional Openness – feel what’s there to be felt, even when it is hard
- Look at your thoughts, not just from your thoughts themselves – you can notice your thoughts, rather ‘being’ your thoughts
- Connect to the spiritual part of yourself – direct your attention
- Begin moving towards something of importance – taking action
I’ll come back to these elements later in the post, as these are very useful notions – particularly as he grounds these based upon his personal story at the very end.
This notion of Psychological Flexibility and ACT are both very intriguing for me as they represent another tool for change that likely can be leveraged. I have not dug into either topic other than a couple of YouTube videos by Dr Hayes. The science of this stuff is likely worth a future deep dive, however this is not the point of this post…
He gets exceptionally vulnerable, raw, and moving as he recounts an episode where he thought he was dying from a heart attack … when in fact it was another and more vicious panic attack. Anyone that has ever had one of these – will certainly relate. He describes how he constantly ran from his panic attacks through a variety of means, and how the anxiety he experienced became increasingly pervasive in his work life. Then it started at home from time to time. Ultimately culminating in taking over his sleep patters, which were triggered on a fateful night at 2am. I particularly like the smirk of the imagined ER doctor.
The parts where he’s recounting his 2am attack really is jarring and heart wrenching at the same time.
He then moves past the story of the anxiety and begins to share where the pain that underpinned his anxiety came from. He goes even deeper in recounting the trauma he experienced as a little boy while his parents fought verbally in the next room. This notion of childhood trauma is something I’ll be expounding upon in a future post as well. I have another Ted Talk that I am studying that is somewhat related.
I do not know the statistics of people in this country that have experienced some sort of childhood trauma. My sense is that this is the majority of people, although I doubt most would ever open up publicly about it. Let alone post something on a Ted Talk stage like this guy. And that’s totally fine in my book – this sort of stuff is hard. Getting authentic and self compassionate with yourself is really tough for many people. I can say that it is something I’m still learning to do on a daily basis. My point on raising this topic today is that this is a serious topic that can hinder or unlock so much in one’s life – that I feel compelled to share this video a full two months after processing this on a number of levels.
It is a weird video. That was my initial reaction.
It is a strangely attractive video too.
Ultimately, I’ve decided that this is an incredibly useful video worthy of your time, and of mine to dedicate at least one post on it.
Today, I’m sharing this as I think this will help at least two people in my life, one of which is very close to me.
As Dr. Hayes outlines the elements of Psychological Flexibility – he summarizes the key elements/behaviors of the theory as one word.
Love.
He has essentially delivered a playbook on how best to love effectively.
He outlines how in order to truly love, you must love yourself first. Not in an ego-based manner either. Here are the main takeaways from the video:
- Love opens up when you invoke Psychological Flexibility
- Life opens up
- Stand with yourself in a self compassionate way, even if it hurts
- Anxiety is information – not good or bad, stop judging (this is my editorial addition to the video. Based upon my experience with Rhett Smith – this is a truth.)
- We hurt where we care and we care where we hurt.
- You must stand with yourself lovingly before you can bring love, compassion, communication forward into the world
He then closes the video down with a couple of very memorable quotes:
- Look at the science Psychological flexibility, and also look at how it can inform what you already know
- Bringing love to yourself
- Bringing love into the world
- Love isn’t everything it is the only thing
Self acceptance, self compassion, and listening to what is behind the anxiety will begin to help you unravel things. If you have severe anxiety bombs or panic attacks, I strongly recommend you engage with a professional therapist / psychologist to help you unpack the pain so that you can truly love yourself first.