In the past week, I have had a few conversations about where to start.
I had a recent conversation around how best to get started back at the gym.
I had a recent conversation around how to truly start up a new entrepreneurial idea or two.
I had a recent conversation about a topic at work that was jammed in terms of progress going back a year, and we popped it loose this week. How did we arrive at the solution? Well we had been building momentum with a number of encouraging steps along the way, and a few setbacks for good measure as well. We adjusted, and today was an especially pleasant surprise as we kicked through a wall that was looming very large coming back from Labor Day.
I had a recent conversation about careers and starting a full blown assessment of some folks I used to work with. For some reason they reached out – probably because of all the recent rants on this site.
I had a recent conversation with a colleague that had a latent interest in starting up a side hustle. This person is now actively building something that will generate some solid extra cash off to the side in hours that would otherwise be spent consuming someone else’s content.
And then I have had a number of conversations on starting up my own stuff. I have mentioned in the past a few of them – this blog, starting up a branded page out on Facebook, starting up Instagram, getting my LinkedIn syndication right, Twitter, and then a variety of other projects that are underway or soon to be underway.
It just occurred to me that I’m now funding a spending plan based upon the guidance from my team over at mvelopes. Do not call it a budget – we all prefer to call it a spending plan. Direct that money. Direct that investment. No more defaulting. This was a major goal for me this year, and I’m still digging into why my relationship with cash is another frontier for me to conquer for myself.
Then my mission to lose some weight, and how best to start that whole thing?
So what is the secret?
Mark – where would you start?
You know me – tell me where to begin?
How long do you think it will take me?
How long did it take you?
You look like you are done now, are you concerned about sliding back into poor fitness?
Those were all questions hurled my way during many of the conversations outlined above. They are all symptomatic of a mindset that is indecisive and continuing to default to the current mindset.
I know because I have an indecisive mindset.
Weren’t expecting that were you?
The difference maker for me is recognizing that indecision is a big time enemy of my future self. Maybe for you too?
Now when I feel indecision creeping in like the cold on a Vermont night when the wood fire is running low – I stop, and I handle this shit.
Here’s the step by step:
If it is a decision I have already made, and one that I remain committed to – say lifting hard and heavy 5 days a week – I handle it this way.
I stop and listen to the chatter in my head, like the other night. I had just put in two hours of soccer out on a field that was 100 degrees here in Texas. I was already ahead of the game, and if it was leg day (I do not know what the lift routine is, until I’m already at the gym – more on this in a second) – shit, why bother?
I had already gotten my steps in for the day.
I had already burned an extra 1000 calories out there and over the course of the day.
No need to really lift..
I had put the work in, and my legs were basically toast – so the lift would probably suck anyway.
Guess what I did?
I acknowledged the weakness that was coming from the chatter, and I went into the gym anyway for a strong 45 minutes.
When it comes to a decision I have already made, and my innards are buckling due to whatever whim of weakness – I throw down the game of self respect/disrespect on myself. When I characterize the weakness/self doubt against the self respect I voice from within – the self respect wins more than it loses.
I wish I could say I was perfect, and if I was – you’d say I was full of shit. And you would be right.
What I know is that by acknowledging the chatter as weakness, and then ignoring the weakness is the key. A lack of energy, a lack of action – coupled with excuses to do a commitment is a fantastic recipe to stare down with the hard glare of self respect.
Acknowledge and then ignore the weakness, do what you promised to do anyway.
By approaching it in this manner, knowing that you will end up doing what you have to anyway – it will give you the mindfulness to examine the weak sauce chatter, and increase your self confidence levels after pushing through it.
When you push past the self doubt, and do what you need to do anyway – the feeling is so damn good. Now when the weakness comes, I welcome it – as it is an opportunity for me to give myself even more self confidence. Not perfect each time, but I win more than I lose when the self doubt creeps in.
I ignored the weakness, and took the action that I had decided upon previously. I had already promised myself.
[ As an aside, I will do my damndest to characterize this journey I’m on in the most real manner possible. I do not have this all figured out, although I have found some things that are really working in ways that are not broadly understood by the average person nowadays. Some of the hardest posts have been about the challenges I have worked through, and in some areas of my life – I am still avoiding or partially addressing. ]
The second flavor of indecision that prevents me from getting started is around a decision I have yet to make. This is the harder of the two for me. If I have decided on something, I roll heavy – generally not quick to reverse the decision. In certain areas of my life, it is extremely rare to reverse a decision.
Now if I am struggling to move forward due to indecision – it is usually due to my need to perform and an ongoing struggle with being a perfectionist in many endeavors.
I check the current situation against this backdrop, and I cannot think of a time where one of these two reasons were not in play.
Let me be very direct here, and what I’m about to say is another rant waiting to happen in a future post:
The need to perform and perfectionism are both based upon latent, and sometimes surprisingly active fear. Going a bit deeper – this fear is based upon a fundamental belief of not being good enough. Insecurity. There it is.
Couple this up with doing something new – say like launching a blog for the world to see, and it can be damn paralyzing.
I still struggle with this frankly, even at this moment.
This notion of things being ‘good enough to get started’ and improving it over time.
This notion of self acceptance so long as I get it started – it is tough.
Sometimes, embarrassing – especially if you are restarting, and you have experienced long gone altitudes of awesomeness.
Nobody wants to be the guy going back to the gym putting on 25 lb plates on the bench after skipping the gym for 15 years, and then struggling to lift them for 3 sets of 10…
Yet, I did it anyway. Confident that I’d get it back. (and I have…)
So what the hell are we to do, when we know we are supposed to be doing something for ourselves – yet we are too damn weak or unconvinced in our guts to get it done.
This idea of ‘not yet decided’ intellectually is in play…this is a situation where our brains hamper our growth.
Here’s the ‘hack’ that I use with great success as of late, you ready?
This shit is going to blow your mind…it is a combo pattern, like a left hook and a right jab on the chin of the tired indecision..
Decide to get started.
Decide to revisit at a set point down the road.
Maybe it is 3 days from today. Maybe it is a performance plateau – like getting to the gym 4 days in a row or 400 in a row. Pick the point of reassessment. Do this when you decide to get started. There’s a great chance that you will up your game when you reassess. Try it, and you will see…
Do not decide to ‘get it done.’
This will keep you in the Freeze Frame.
Give yourself the chance to get started with a simple first step, and an opportunity to revisit the early first few days of your journey once you have some momentum going for yourself.
There is magic to be had when you start linking the first step to the next twenty steps. I’ll go over this notion of momentum and breakthroughs shortly….
To summarize:
In order to get started on something – consider it in two zones if you will:
- You have already decided/committed to do this thing, and now you are debating/doubting the need to do it. DO IT ANYWAY, stop thinking about it. Acknowledge the weakness, then ignore it Then take action and go forward.
- You have not decided/committed to do something, and you cannot move past the self doubt. GET STARTED WITH A SIMPLE FIRST STEP, and then decide on a future point in time when you will revisit. START ANYWAY, and do not overthink the first step.
This is how you get things rolling, and once you have a few key habits established – your ability to start up new tires to be rolled down the hill is ever increasing.
Here’s to doing.
Here’s to starting.