This is the first post responding to a couple of questions from friends and colleagues that generally have sounded like this:
- What’s up with all the posts on Facebook dude?
- Is everything okay?
- When did you come up with the idea?
- Why are you doing this?
In nearly every case, I’ve not truly engaged in the questions. The fact is for many of these – there really is no need for a full blown explanation. Generally speaking, I’ve adopted the stance of ‘no explanation needed’ for a number of things I’m doing at the moment.
One of the main reasons for starting this ’84 day thing’ is to begin establishing my voice – in a public fashion.
In an engaging way that is of interest – rather than many of the generalized – hell, clinical and curated posts on LinkedIn, Facebook, and sometimes in social interactions that so many of us have witnessed or even performed (that is a deliberate word) ourselves. In the past, I’ve managed to say a lot of nothing without completely landing points on chins out in social media or other venues. It sickens me that I used to do this in multiple areas of my life.
Another way in which my true voice will be heard – is through a vitality of language and of message. The energy that I have each day is intended to be roiling in these posts. For those that have spent any time with me recently – you know what I’m talking about. Energy is something I’m all about sharing. Enthusiasm. Fun. Sometimes boisterous, sometimes calm. This is part of my makeup. I’ve discovered a slew of ways in which I’m hard wired in the past few years, and this energetic orientation is a big one.
Finally, the voice you experience here is the same one you’ll get face to face – it is one of authenticity and of directness. I’ve been advised by more than a few Texans and Georgians that I’m a very direct in my style. Directness is not necessarily rudeness, it is many times uncomfortable and refreshing – depending upon your perspective. Being from Vermont and Boston – I’ve got a tendency to – let’s say – operate a certain way. This is pervasive now in all settings, and for many in my life – I’ve been told that they appreciate the directness.
So BFD, right?
Well, on a recent evening while getting ready to head into a concert where one our favorite bands was about to go onstage, my partner in crime responded after I offered a a rant on this notion of ‘why 84 days’ ….
‘Mark, this is the version of you that everyone needs to hear. The one that is speaking the truth, the version that people want to grab beers with, the guy that cares so much. This is the electric version that needs to be shared!‘
So what was the rant that preceded this response? Well, it goes something like this.
I am so damn frustrated with so much potential ignored.
Potential avoided for fear of whatever.
Potential being lost to hours on the couch watching TV.
Potential being lost generationally, as we have so many fathers that have yet to establish their own manhood. Let alone father-ship.
We all have been given gifts, and yet – we are scared to put ourselves out there.
The whole point is to fully realize our gifts!
The whole point is to use these gifts to help others!
Why so much fear?!?!
I have to help people, and this is not overly complicated. It is hard, but people do not know where to start!
In retyping the spirit of that rant – I am really charged up about this.
I am at the point nowadays where I can sense the frustration in others living a life that is many times muted and mundane. It KILLS me. Now when I come across this vibe – I have a body/physical based reaction, particularly when it is someone I love and I am truly rooting for. I have empathy from a place of personal experience, of pain, and of joy.
This can even happen with folks that I meet for the first time too.
Just today, I was at Dunkin Donuts here in Texas, and the guy in the window was bumming out. He forgot my son’s vanilla creme donut, this guy clearly was having a bad day. I backed up in the drive thru, and honked the horn. I’m from Boston, sue me…
He opens the window with a startled look, and I go ‘ Bro, I almost forgot that donut, can you hook me up?’
‘Sir, I am so sorry. I almost forgot too. Thank you for reminding me.’ He actually thanked me. I love Texas. 🙂
I said ‘Thanks man’ and as I handed the donut to my son (who was super pumped to have this sugar bomb of awesomeness) – I go, ‘Bro – you are good, things are going to be fine. Have an awesome night.’ And with that, I carried on the night from there.
Not sure where exactly the guy in the D&D window was in his life, but he really got emotional when I stopped him quick with the encouraging word. The point here is that there is a ton of silence and suffering out there. A simple smile can go a long way, although a smile will not hit the root cause of the suffering.
Silence.
Simmering suffering.
Self induced, simmering suffering, in silence.
Press on with the routine, it is easier than to trigger a reaction from anyone.
This keeps the status quo going.
Safe.
Safety is in the silence. So is the suffering, latent or otherwise.
Were you the kid in class that never raised their hand?
Are you someone that is really just grinding it out, hoping that things get better, somehow?
Does that job of yours take a piece of your soul, each and every day?
Do you resent your spouse or partner? Do you resent yourself?
This is what is really bumming me out.
People are truly beautiful and endowed with so much to offer, yet we only offer up a small slice of our brilliance for so many reasons I still do not understand. Though I am learning everyday.
It has reached a point for me – that I have to take a stand and offer up something to break the silence that so many ‘live with’ each day.
Better yet, what about each night, when you can’t sleep unless you pop that Ambien. Or take the extra glass of wine and wash down the Tylenol PMs… Your mind is racing and gut is in knots, because your soul knows you are more than you do. More than you say. More than you think or feel. More than the house you just built or bought…
It is there waiting, and sending you signs with the latent feelings of ‘live with’ syndrome.
How do I know?
This was my experience for quite awhile.
So why am I so charged up about this notion of wanting more for people?
Who the hell am I to offer up any help?
You could make the argument that I’m not qualified to even be talking about any of this due to any of the following arguments – here are some points you could make in your argument – ‘Mark, you are a… ‘
- A northern redneck from Vermont
- A Vermont guy that is a wannabe Bostonian
- A divorced man that could not hold a successful marriage
- A recovering workaholic that still gets overly enthused about his work
- A middle aged guy seeking meaning in his life
- A guy that effectively lost years of his life following ‘the playbook’ of life
And you know what?
I am all of those things. Go ahead and judge if you must. I do not give a shit.
I am flawed.
I am qualified to help others due to my flaws, and due to my lessons learned.
I am no longer silent.
I am no longer suffering due to the silence.
Any suffering I undergo now, I enjoy, as I am inducing it deliberately to grow.
I am not defaulting to safe.
I resent nobody.
And you know what else?
I am more than those judgy statements above. So much more. And honestly – none of the good/bad/ambivalent/ugly matters as much as my mission here.
The mission is to help you, likely you are a friend that knows me personally or a professional colleague that can identify with a few things I’ve said. I have had more than a few of you connect in the past week with no questions – only to say that you are learning and appreciative of these posts. Humbling.
Fuel.
I am no longer contributing to the deafening silence. For me, it is now an act of integrity to help where I can with the voice that I have – flaws and talents alike.
I read somewhere ‘on a blog one time’ (a famously overused phrase…) that in order to get anywhere in life and especially online – you must bleed for it.
Bleed on the page.
Get real.
Get authentic.
Otherwise, people will think you are full of -ish – like so many others.
Well, this is a bloody post.
And it is intended to crack open a new round of conversations aimed at equipping you with some real world approaches to help you unlock the the brilliance you have.
To help you break the silence you are holding onto, and to do so in a way that you can trust to bring you closer to the best version of yourself down the line.
