Let’s start off with a quote from one of my favorite podcasters/bloggers/investors/personalities, Tim Ferris —
“The opposite of love is indifference, and the opposite of happiness is boredom.” — Tim Ferriss
I love this quote, as I have been kicking around definitions of all four ends of that quote with boredom and happiness being the most recent duality being discussed. Too many people are bored.
Go out in public anywhere – a high end mall, a local supermarket, even a youth league soccer match – so many people are shuffling along not engaged with what is right in front of them. So many people seem to be distracted to the point of not actually being here. I now notice this too much, and it just makes me wonder what is going on around me. Are people really that numb, distracted, hurting, in deep thought, happy on the inside, or maybe I am projecting? It is striking to me when I find someone that is actually looking up and ready to engage with eye contact or even a genuine ‘hey what’s up.’ These people are noticeable. Now they likely do not have a life mission firmly established, although they are seemingly engaged to the point of a friendly or fierce look in the eye. This is a great place to be, and it separates many from the pack. Now I’m not talking about introvert or extrovert or ambivert – I’m talking about people in the day to day experience that are present when you are around. This is a rare occurrence in my opinion. The rise of the smartphones has made this ever more prevalent.
Go back home after a day of work – is your home full of people that are engaged? Or are your loved ones also shuffling along to get through dinner, to get the chores done, to get back to work for ‘just a few minutes’ or are they fully present when you arrive home? Do they engage with a genuine interest in the best part of your day? Do they ask you about your most challenging part of the day? Do they offer to help – even if it is just listening, and doing their best to resist to help? Are you inviting this level of engagement or are you the one shuffling through the evening to get past the furtive glances of those around you that wish you would put the phone down?
Are you exuding happiness or boredom? Does it vary by context or dimension of life? At home you are happy, yet at work you are seemingly bored? Maybe you are consistently bored throughout your life and the mediocre energy across your life prevails at the moment?
Well, I’ll save the definition of happiness for a later post. There are a number of long running studies out there that have nailed down the causal factors for it. There are a number of clinical studies that also have measured the chemical reactions involving happiness that can also be pointed to.
For today, let’s skip the formal definition – I think each of us understands what it means to be happy for ourselves. It is directly attributed to our level of engagement and the fullness of our ‘now.’
Have you ever laughed so hard that you thought you were going to black out from a lack of oxygen?? I have, and I can tell you that I was not worried about my long range career aspirations or some garbage errands.
What about the time when you just crushed the presentation at work for a client or for your boss’ boss? You were in the flow of the moment, and you were so locked in – that all that mattered was that one moment.
What about an emergency when you had to focus on the unexpected pipe burst in your home? Or flooding from the ice melt that came through your basement wall? Or the sewer line that snapped off causing ungodly nastiness to flow up into your shower? You jumped straight into the moment until the issue was resolved. Maybe time stood still?
Happiness is absolutely hinging on your ability to live in the now of this moment. As soon as you start to time shift to the past or the future – you likely run the risk of lowering your happiness levels. Now if you are engaging in an activity that is absolutely enriching your life, and then you start to time shift to further your goals/aspirations – this is different. Actively engaging in meaningful and connected activities (there is a hint for the future definition of happiness that I’ll be offering) in the present while operating with a true sense of the here and now – you will be compelled to be happy.
Sure there are distractions that will claw their way at you. Sure there are emergencies that will erupt like a broken pipe in your wall. These are distractions that must be dealt with on the spot, so that you can get back to focusing on your now of the moment to further yourself. The more you operate in the immediate moment, I promise the greater resiliency you will cultivate both in terms of true emergencies along using this resiliency to hammer the longer range aspirations that you have had.
I believe that boredom is for those that are going through the motions. These are folks that have not yet decided to fully engage their fullness of being. Instead, we have a number of people that are going through with the actions that for whatever reason – are not what they would choose as a first choice.
Softball after work on Monday night.
Tuesday night is poker night.
Etc…etc….
The expected routine is what will devour your soul if you let it.
We all have a spark of divinity that is waiting to be lit up. We all have some gifts that are ready to be shared to help others to unlock their gifts in a true pay it forward type of model.
I am here to tell you that the spark all the gifts are all there inside each of us – waiting to be uncovered and unleashed. When you do so – you will have no problem sharing it implicitly or explicitly with all around you. So so many of us – have decided to ‘manage the spark of crazy good’ and this is what is killing so many today in a slow and predictable decline – until one day, you realize that you should have done something different than what you did.
If you are bored, take that as a sign that you need to get moving in a new direction. Do not think it over – just get moving, you can always steer it in a new direction as you uncover new information along the way.
Just get started.
