I am finding myself increasingly attuned to what people are asking, and increasingly studying the quality of the questions people are asking. Tim Ferris is a self professed ‘question geek.’ This makes sense as he is one of the worlds most prolific interviewers, podcasters, and content producers out there today. In his book, Tools of Titans, he speaks to the quality of questions as he recycles and distills out the best of his podcasts.
I have to admit, I’m about halfway through his book, like the other half dozen or so that are still on my reading list. That’s just the physical books… His book is chock full of questions, and in this article – he hits upon some questions that changed his life. Interesting notion of evaluating the soundness of one’s ideas based upon the questions that they ask, isn’t it?
This notion of playing with the quality of thought – based upon the questions asked rather than the answer given is one that I have been playing with for awhile. In fact, this idea of evaluating questions was a key ingredient to unlocking my mission last fall. It was a couple of questions that had been given to me a long time ago, and like so many other gifts in my life – I looked past them for the longest time. It was when I was looking for the keys to my future, that I rediscovered these profound questions, and let me tell you – I have a tendency to misplace my keys, my phone, and my wallet – unless I put them in a known place… Come to think of it, I think I may have gotten this tendency to misplace things from my old man. I digress…
So the questions that people sling around – at work, at home, online with these posts, hell even on the sidelines of a soccer game on that rare night when I’m not coaching. I’m noticing the questions being asked by friends and by complete strangers.
I got a gift of one last week in a meeting where we were discussing deliverables, timelines, and the need to get some things done. The question was so simple, so pure, so incredibly awesome that I have found myself espousing this approach to anyone that is open to listening to it.
Here’s the gift of this post from the conversation I experienced last week:
Have you defined what success looks like for him?
Did you get a date when you were discussing what success looked like?
I’ll leave the context and the details of the conversation out of this post, as they are frankly immaterial to the lesson here.
How many times in your life are you withholding from painting the picture of exactly what you want? This goes back to being assertive, absolutely. If you do not state what success looks like, then you are leaving it open to interpretation, and very likely a mismatch of expectations.
Now let me guess – you are reacting to this as a ‘well duh, this is basic management…’
Wrong.
It is basic leadership to know what your end result needs to be, and good management practice to effectively communicate the vision and the date.
If you find yourself placing a demand on another human being, I am increasingly convinced that it is an ethical imperative to clearly articulate the rationale behind it and the definition of success.
Wait a second.
What if you do not really know what the hell you want or what success is? Welcome to the real world Neo. Be honest and say that you do not know, and that success in this circumstance is actually moving towards the definition of success as a collaboration. Being a bit vulnerable and open to pounding the uncertainty out of a given situation is very refreshing in today’s world of business. Most days, the choice is not obvious, usually there is a range of options to be employed in your mission.
So the key is to be definitive with what the end result needs to look like, convey it, check for understanding with the other party, and finally place a deadline on the ask of the other person.
In business, and much of our life – time is the most precious asset we have. Act accordingly people.
Let me put it another way…
If you care enough to place a demand (dare I say expectation???) on another person – you need to care about the timing of demand in an equally clear manner.
Clarity in this case really solidifies the agreement between everyone involved, and it invites a healthy dose of responsibility and of accountability. By being precise in the what you want and in the when you want it aspects – you afford broader possibilities with those folks you are working and living with – depending upon your leadership style.
By framing success with a proposed definition (depending upon your leadership style…) and date – you are setting the stage for the natural follow up to ensure increased accountability between both parties.
If you are placing demands and dates like this on others, you had better be sure these are real asks – if not, good luck with long term credibility. From the other direction, the person being asked to deliver on the future success is on notice that you have the agreement, and that a miss will invite the invariable follow up from the other side. Full transparency across the board in both directions.
This is the sort of dynamic that healthy teams enjoy. Teams being soccer teams. Working teams. Hell even families can flourish with this type of clarity of outcome being expressed so transparently. If you are unclear on what you expect, you leave greater opportunity for confusion and possible conflict.
Now, this is not tack I employ in all dimensions of my life okay? If I am on vacation or making plans for a trip – expectations and demands are few and far between. There are areas of my life where the need to put demands and dates is not nearly so great as other areas.
The application of this question varies by circumstance and setting for sure.
So the next time you are in need of some help from a colleague – take the extra minute to ensure that they are clear on what success looks like, and that you agree on the definition and on the date.
