Over the course of the past week, a few amazing coincidences have erupted in my life. I knew that when I started to cultivate this daily writing practice, that all sorts of things would erupt into my life.
I knew that more clarity would arrive for me in my life.
I knew that more connectedness would also manifest itself.
I knew that some things would likely break apart that I had held dear.
I knew that some people would likely wilt away as I transitioned into this daily habit.
Then again, I knew that I would be surprised with a few things that were likely familiar and other things would surprise me as truly new things in my life…here are a few worth your time…
Vulnerability – The outreach from so many as I have progressed in this journey continues to ramp up. I remember the first time someone texted me after I went off about the 84 days declaration – a brother of mine. We had an incredibly honest exchange in both directions. Among the greatest gifts was that text exchange. I have had so many guys reach out in private and express how amazed they are that I’m actually doing this. These are hard ass guys from the northeast that are amazing guys, yet are carrying all sorts of unresolved loops in their lives. Just like me. I had no idea that we are all going through so much of this shit.
Creation – The continued engagement asking for help from my friends and family that are increasingly motivated to build something for themselves. I had an involved conversation with another brother of mine that is seeking to launch a new product, and we bantered about a couple of other ideas late into the night last week. I promised to help him with whatever he needed as he seeks a trademark for his idea. The next morning, I was bantering in a similar manner with a mentor of mine about a crazy ass great idea that is equally worthy of a kickstarter campaign that will absolutely make this a reality. I am blown away with the increasing flow of creation that I get to help with. I could not have predicted this.
Clarity Velocity – The unreal uplift of clarity and velocity of building my own endeavors. I am in the process of building up a few projects, and the clarity that I was gifted last Fall has continued to gain in volume. The next thing I have to do each day is already known a few days in advance. This clarity has resulted in another gift that I had heard of – yet never experienced like this…
Resiliency. When one has the clarity that is God given – the world can rage around you, and the mission remains the same in spite of whatever bullshit gets thrown your way. People respond in kind when you have the conviction and real resiliency to persevere. Everyone can be magnetized, and those that know what they are – directly impact those around them. I now have people enlisted in my mission in ways that are just humbling to me. It has reached the point of ridiculousness, as I am now not even asking for things anymore. Gifts and results are now arriving daily from all sorts of unexpected channels and messengers.
Alignment – I have been putting in a ton of work over the past few years to ensure that the guy you see at the gym – is the same guy you see by my pool – is the same guy you see in the boardroom on the 11th floor in Richardson – is the same guy you see on a weekend adventure – is the same guy you see coaching his kids at soccer – is the same guy you see at Church – is the same guy you see here on this blog. I had been writing on another project/blog for six months prior to erupting here on my namesake site, and my partner in crime threw down a challenge….
‘When are you going to start writing like the guy I know?’
This fucking killed me.
Here I had been grinding out alignment across all of these dimensions in my life, and tearing down the personas that so many of us play depending upon the social context. I was very prideful of my accomplishments of driving this singular view of myself up until that point. Up to that point – I was convinced that I had arrived, fully. Yet, when she asked a very direct and innocent question – I realized that I was being exceptionally coy online. I was not writing in a truly authentic manner.
Why?
Well, I was scared frankly.
There is deep seated insecurity that I’m continuing to bore down into to understand and to likely eviscerate. I am increasingly getting to a point of self acceptance that increasingly withstands any bullshit directed my way. Independence and freedom are within eyesight at this point. It took me years of digging holes of self criticism, and I believe it will take a longish time to dig out of this stuff as well. I am on my way, and I am so pumped about the help I can offer to those that have experienced something similar.
Self acceptance of your true being is a tough thing when you have been conditioned to judge. To achieve for the wrong reasons. To live the script. When you realize that you have been tricking yourself is the beginning of self discovery. Just today – I shared with someone that they have everything already inside to be simply incredible. We are all miracles if we actually accept this scary-real truth.
So the biggest and most unexpected gift has been how much easier it is to live now that I have started this journey. I’m done with propping up the personas online vs offline – as a result the dissonance that I used to experience is now evaporated. The friction is gone.
Father, son, brother, coworker, boss, lover, divorcee, Texan, Bostonian, Vermonter, Catholic, executive, entrepreneur, coach, totally in control, hot mess, frantic squirrel chaser, incredibly focused executive, man, boy, and whatever else there is in this stew that I swirl around daily.
All of it is me, and none of it is me.
What I know in my body since I started writing over here on this online project is this –
I’m continuing to chip away on the unnecessary pieces of granite to reveal the guy that I am set to become. Given where I am headed, the granite will be increasingly sculpted, and largely unfinished. Even unfinished sculptures can be enjoyed and can be helpful.
In the meantime, I’ll be adding to the piles of grout that are getting chipped off each day. A big shout out to my hometown of Barre, VT where grout piles dominate the landscape.
